You may think you’re doing the right thing for yourself, but certain actions are harming your relationships and opportunities. See if you have any of these seven hidden signs of self-sabotage lurking in your life.

Maybe you procrastinated on a work project, stayed out too late before a big test or picked an avoidable fight with your significant other. When your thoughts and actions do not support your goals—or worse, hinder your path to success, you may be in the territory of self-sabotage. Here are seven hidden signs.

Blaming others. Pointing a finger when things go wrong can prevent you from examining your own role and behavior in situations and from growing as a person. Let’s say you’re friends with someone who has some traits you feel are a deal-breaker. You tell yourself the person will never change, and you decide to avoid them from now on. But by walking away without trying to make the friendship work, you rob yourself of the chance to explore the ways you contributed to the situation, sabotaging your own opportunity to learn, grow and strengthen a relationship.

1. Avoiding conflict. In some cases, removing yourself from a negative situation is the best idea. But when it becomes a pattern, your conflict avoidance can become self-sabotage. If you’ve walked away from several jobs to escape difficult situations instead of facing them head-on, you may be limiting opportunities. The next time you face adversity, think about how you can mitigate the situation so you can stay in it and find a path through it.
2. Failure to speak up. Like fear of conflict, failure to speak up can limit your opportunities and prevent you from communicating your needs to others. Let’s say you’re in a fender bender in the school parking lot with a fellow parent. The other parent backed into the side of your car and hit you with her rear bumper, so the fault is clearly hers. Because it’s just a small dent, you try to be nice and let the accident go without reporting it to the police. The next day, you get a call from the other mom’s insurance company, blaming you for the damage to her car and asking you to pay. This is an example of how failure to stand up for yourself can put you in an avoidable pinch.
3. Complacency. Unknowns can be scary, while routines feel safe. It’s tempting to choose the less-risky, predictable path rather than to venture down an unknown one that could lead to opportunity. Complacency can look like staying in a steady, dead-end job because you know it’s a guaranteed paycheck. It can mean prolonging a relationship with a person you’re not in love with because it’s more comfortable than the prospect of dating. By choosing not to push out of your comfort zone, you may stay comfortably stagnant and sabotage alternative plans.
4. Unrealistic expectations. Lofty goals and dreams are motivating. But set the bar too high, and you’ll set yourself up for failure. Whether you’re thinking of a new online business or a get-rich-quick investment scheme, creating high expectations and then using them as an excuse to walk away when they aren’t met can be an unhealthy pattern that prevents you from getting ahead. For example, if you decide you won’t take a job for less than $100,000 per year and are freshly out of college, you will eliminate most—or all—of the jobs available to you.
5. Passive aggression. Instead of directly confronting someone when they are angry, passive aggressive people express hostility indirectly, with moves like sarcasm, procrastination or the silent treatment. Because it can be manipulative and confusing, passive aggression may be more damaging to relationships than direct expressions of anger.
6. Self-medication. When we feel stressed or overwhelmed, it may be tempting to turn to alcohol or drugs to unwind or take the edge off. This may work as a short-term coping mechanism, but over time, self-medication can lead to damaged relationships, reduced performance at work and long-term health problems.

If you constantly feel stuck—at life, at work or in relationships, it’s time to open your mind to the possibility that your actions (and nonactions!) could be the culprit. Try to reframe your negative behaviors or patterns by choosing an end goal and examining the ways you typically put up roadblocks; instead, focus on positivity and small steps in a new direction, then lean in with all your heart and energy. A positive outlook is always a powerful motivator!