It’s true that every cloud has a silver lining. You just need to know how to find it.

We all know those people who smile no matter what comes their way. It may look like they have good luck and no troubles, but it’s more likely they have learned to approach life positively. After all, there’s power in perspective, and the more mindful you are about focusing on good over bad, the happier and more positive you will be. To help you do the same, explore these ways to identify the positive in almost every negative experience.   

Reframe it. Let’s say you’ve just been through a difficult breakup or divorce. You feel unlovable and fear you will never find another partner. These negative thoughts only prolong misery. Instead, use a technique known in psychology as cognitive reappraisal to help you pull out the positive. With cognitive reappraisal, you reframe a bad experience as an opportunity. In the case of the breakup, you’re freshly single and remind yourself that you have the freedom to move to a different area, grow as a person and meet a new romantic partner who will be a better fit in the end.   

Shift a selective memory. By nature of being human, we tend to remember the bad aspects of an experience and forget the good. Psychologists call this “negativity bias.” For example, instead of remembering a fun family trip, you may focus on the argument that happened at a neighboring campsite. Or you may ruminate over a single negative comment your boss gave about your presentation and forget his long list of praises. A study done at Columbia University found that despite negativity bias, with some effort, we do have the power to adjust memories. Participants in the study performed tasks that forced them to recall positive parts of a negative memory, and, by doing so, they were able to shift the highlight from negative experiences to positive ones. 

Focus on the growth. It’s hard to find positivity in a dire situation like a life-threatening illness or accident. However, researchers at Macquarie University in Australia found that even the most difficult experience can bring increased strength, wisdom and coping skills. They found exposure to adversity forces us to self-reflect, which makes us more resilient and ready to face the next challenge life throws our way. 

Tell a different story. You’ve just had a contentious meeting at work, and some coworkers storm out. It’s tempting to say to yourself, “That’s it—my department is falling apart, I’m losing my job, and I’ll be homeless in a month.” To approach the situation positively, change the narrative. Tell yourself that tension and heated discussions may be uncomfortable in the moment but can open a dialogue that ultimately creates a better outcome in the long run. 

Be kind on the inside. Negative self-talk creates negativity, whether it’s directed inward or at someone else. For example, a customer butts in front of you in line at the grocery store. As you stand there, steaming, you say to yourself, “How rude! What kind of person does that?” You stew on it for the rest of the day, snapping at others you come across for no reason at all. Another example: you call someone you have met a few times by the wrong name. For a few hours afterward, you beat yourself up, telling yourself you are forgetful and that your reputation is at stake. In both cases, negative self-talk is a waste of time and unnecessarily perpetuates pessimism. The next time your inner voice starts spewing judgment, refuse to listen.