Always striving for perfection can be exhausting, so discovering why you set such high standards for yourself can be liberating.

Always striving for perfection can be exhausting, so discovering why you set such high standards for yourself can be liberating.

Flawless, ideal, accurate—and perfect! Sounds pretty good, right?

We may strive to be perfect or want a perfect home, life or job but perfectionism can have a darker side. Those who exhibit perfectionism may achieve a high level of success…but at a price. They tend to set unrealistic goals, criticize themselves and refuse to accept anything less than what they feel to be perfect. True perfectionism is unrealistic, so a perfectionist can set herself up for failure and ultimately, an unhappy life.

Perfectionism can result from environmental and psychological factors. By addressing these underlying causes, a perfectionist may have a better chance of taking control of the problem and recognizing the beauty in imperfection. If you are a perfectionist or have perfectionist qualities, explore some of the root causes of perfectionism to see if any apply to your life story.

Trauma. Past trauma can make a person feel out of control. By controlling things in their environment, perfectionists try to regain the control they lost. In addition, people who have been through trauma tend to have higher levels of anxiety and shame, and they may turn to perfectionism to reduce those negative feelings.

History of being bullied. Many people who were bullied or hurt as children still carry some of that pain. They may have trouble trusting others, have poor coping strategies and blame themselves for things outside their control. Perfectionism can be a means to feel better about themselves and erase the notion that they are inadequate, incapable or unpopular.

Scrolling social media. Constantly exposing yourself to the perfect pictures on social media can make you feel less than, driving a quest for perfection. It’s important for social media users to remind themselves that celebrities, influencers and even friends often create realities on social media that do not paint a true picture of their lives.

The way you were parented. If you were raised by parents who used an authoritarian parenting style, you’re more likely to become a perfectionist. Authoritarian parents give love and approval based on their children’s achievement and success. This can lead their kids to believe they must perform well to avoid criticism and to be loved. As a result, the child grows up with a fear of failure and constant need to prove himself.

Personality. People who possess certain traits may be more likely to be perfectionists. These include a need for control, sensitivity to criticism, high conscientiousness and approval seeking.

Obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). By nature, people with OCD may lean toward perfectionism. They fear making mistakes, feel compelled to finish a project once they have started and worry about making the wrong decision. They may redo work or assignments repeatedly to get them “just right” and may even procrastinate starting a project because they fear they won’t be able to make it perfect.

Recognizing a potential root cause is a good step toward becoming a little more perfectly imperfect. If any of these traits of perfectionism ring true with you, here are some things you can try to change how you think:

• Talk to yourself nicely. Commend yourself for a job well done and allow some grace when you make a mistake.
• Practice mindfulness techniques to be more present. Try mindful meditation, deep breathing techniques or yoga.
• Stop comparing yourself to others, on social media and in real life.
• Surround yourself with people and situations that make you feel accepted and comfortable.